LESSONS I LEARNED FROM SKIPPY MCGRADE

The Following is taken from the Eulogy I delivered at the Memorial Service for Stephen Joseph "Skippy" McGrade, Sr.

Lessons I Learned from Skippy

I have known Skippy for over 40 years, and if asked to describe him succinctly, I would choose two phrases:

"Good Natured and Loving."

However, there is a problem with talking about Skippy as Good Natured.  The term has been over overused; and under understood.  Too many of us think that being Good Natured is a matter of being happy, always smiling, always in a good humor, always joking and jovial.  Skippy was indeed all of those things and much more.

How many of you believe Skippy had the world’s best grin? 

YEAH — his face lit up and his eyes really twinkled. You know that phrase “his eyes twinkled”. — Well when he grinned and laughed, Skippy’s blue eyes really did twinkle.

Skippy’s smile was such a fixed part of his personality, I cannot image his face without a smile.  And I can tell you there is nothing to be valued more in life than friends who really smile, who bring the joy of their smiles to brighten the lives of others.

Some of you never knew Skippy before he lost his hearing.  Never was there an Irishman who loved a good story or a funny joke any more than Skippy.  And no one — no one — had a quicker wit, or a better sense of humor.  

Skippy lost his hearing gradually, progressing from moderate to severe to profound, and with his hearing, he lost many small and many great pleasures of life.  From personal and professional experience, I can tell you that most people who experience that type of hearing loss, become disconnected and detached, and are often paranoid.  We can’t hear and we are suspicious, and withdrawn, resentful, angry and even belligerent.  Skippy NEVER succumbed to these emotional pitfalls.  He continued to be good, and kind, and accepting of those who failed to understand his handicap.  

Which brings me back to the REAL definition of Good Natured.  For each of us, our NATURE is our ESSENCE.  What we really ARE — underneath the facade we show the  world.  Our NATURE is who we really are — and Skippy’s Nature, his essence was Good.  Really, truly GOOD.  He was kind — he was thoughtful — he was honest and true.  Skippy was GOOD NATURED in every sense of that wonderful phrase.

Part of that Goodness was LOVING.  Which brings me to that second attribute that we associate with Skippy, LOVE.

I well remember the first time I heard Skippy’s voice — it was over the telephone — an old yellow land line phone that hung on my kitchen wall in Port Washington, NY.  He said,  “This is Steve McGrade’s Father, is Steve at your house?”  

I said, that I thought Steve was outside with the gang (he usually was).

And Skippy asked me to please send him home to dinner. — I sent him home that day, and many others.  

I also remember my first impressions of Skippy, as we got to know Him and Marion and later Kathy.  Skippy LOVED his family.  He loved Marion with all his heart and was devoted to her.  He adored Kathy, who was always wonderful and perfect in his eyes.  His eyes shone when he looked at her.  His son Steve was his best friend.  They enjoyed each other’s company, and shared so many traits.  They came to Denise and Steve’s wedding in my home town in Louisiana, and we went to the Reception in New York.  I can tell you that a Catholic wedding reception beats a Baptist wedding reception every time.  

Our families grew to know one another because our children loved one another, but the bonds were cemented when our mutual grandchildren were born.  Gramps and Grandma loved Patrick and Sarah with all their hearts.  They pulled up roots in a town they loved and left friends and family behind to make a home in Frisco to be near those grandchildren.  They literally gave up their lives for their grandchildren.  This was real sacrificial love.

I remember Skippy in those days.  He was a man who never lost his sense of wonder; his joy in fun and play.  These made him a natural with children.  He could relate to them as so few grownups can.  

I remember him sitting on the bathtub while Patrick, who was learning to use the potty, sat on the commode.  They played these elaborate imaginary games, and had deep philosophical discussions.

I remember Skippy all folded up on a child’s chair, having a tea party with Sarah.  I remember him Dancing with her in his arms.  No two children ever had better grandparents; and Charles and I loved them for loving the grandchildren we also loved.

There are two things that psychologists say we never fully recover from: One is the loss of a parent; the other is the loss of a child.  Skippy lost his Father when he was only 5 and he lost his only son when that son was barely 40.  He could relate better than most to his orphaned grandchildren, and to their widowed mother.  He became Denise’s best friend.  They helped each other through a terrible time, and formed a forever bond.

Through it all, and over the years; Skippy gave love, supporting and loving Marion and Kathy, helping Denise and the children.  His bore his own pain without complaint or bitterness, giving love to those in need.

The 13th Chapter of Corinthians  is called the Love Chapter.  It is a rather amazing Chapter because it is equally used at Weddings and at Funerals.  There are 10 Verses that I think describe Skippy and his love.  As I read, see if you agree with me?

I’m reading these from the Modern Language version of the Bible called “The Message.”

At the end of this Passage, the writer, Paul, talks about Heaven, and about those of us who are left here on Earth to mourn the passing of a loved one.  Paul concludes:

There are those among us who are confident of God’s Grace and their salvation and who look forward to being reunited with Skippy in a better life.

There are those among us who are not certain about these propositions, but who do believe in the power of Love.  I want to share with all of you these words from the book of 1st John, Chapter 4.

Theology from 1st John